Ferns Blog!!

This started as a joke between myself & jenny who I go doggie walking with-she has barneys litter brother,chip.

Picked up fern she is settling into Pooch Prison! no walkies till I don't know when xx

Dear Fern,
I am glad that you are home and with your mum. Thank your mum for the photo and I know that you are feeling uncomfortable, but I like your pink bandage. At least you have the prison door open so that you are not totally enclosed in your bedroom.My mum took me to the river but there were two men holding one large dog as big or bigger than that Rodney who lives with Spike and Layla - I did not like him and growled from behind my mums legs. Another dog a black and white spaniel would not go back to his daddy and was splashing around in the lagoon! I would not go down there cos of the water.Are you allowed out for a wee. Would you like flowers or bones. Have lots of lick and sniffs Love Chippy xx

Dear chip,

thank you for ur message,I'm glad to be home but I'm really not happy about this crate,I have to stay in all the time,I'm only allowed out 3 times a day for a kwick wee,which is difficult with this big alien on my leg!so I've decided to go on hunger strike!I've got to stay locked up at hotel pooch for 24hrs till the 1st of june,can u believe that,I think I'll go crazy,shame u can't visit,but aunty can whenever she likes,just remeber be brave when facing those hounds!!

Prisoner 4321 fern xx xxx

Dear Fern,

Wot rotten luck only three times a day. And a pot on your leg too. If you are on hunger strike I shall send my mummy down to see you. My big ones have invited a hoard of little ones to dinner on Sunday so I think roast beef is on the cards. Are you allowed a little roast beef whilst on Prisoner Cell Block H. What else do you think you could manage to taste - I might be able to bring chicken too. Your Mum is trying to think of all things she could tempt you with. I will tell her that best fillet steak lightly grilled would really be ideal - but not any dog food whilst you are ill - should I send chocolates.I shall take lots of photos whilst I am away of all the places I have wee'd on to show you

Luv Chippy xx

Uncle Alec sends love.

Dear chip

Mum just gave me jaspers kong which had puppy food & chicken in it so I forced that down,all these drugs are making me rather sleepy,rotten luck on having lots of little visitors tomorow,but more chance they'll slip u some beef,or drop lots of food on the floor! I also have a new room mate,its pink & soft & looks like some sort of goose & makes a strange noise,I think its name is baby!oh well mite snuggle up to it later,my eyelids are drooping now so I better go,will send u a pic of new roommate when she's settled in. & wood love to see pics,will make me think I've been outside!

Woofs & licksPrisoner 4321 fern & baby

Lunatics Asylum:

Dear Prisoner 4321

Well the small things have gone home and I am very tired. I did have some nice things to eat because someone dropped their chocolate cake towards the floor and I caught it before it fell on the ground. I also managed to snatch some roast beef whilst Mum was clearing the plates into the dishwasher. An opened packet of chocolate covered raisins were left on the coffee table but someone saw me before I could sample them.I have not got your picture of baby! I did not know you had to share a cell I thought you were in a private wing!Its good to know that you were let out on remand for a while so keep up the good work and lie doggo when no one is watching.Next time at 2.00am try for Barney to bark he is louder than Jasper. I woke up at nearly 6.00am and played music on the radiator but my mum shoved me outa the back door and when I came back in she buggered off to bed again!No balls sound sad - fancy having no balls to play with.My mum is at art Tuesday and Wednesday this week! She says to tell you mum to lay down and rest or else she will have to do the 'mother bit' whatever that means.Large bags have appeared in the bedroom but there is a box of smelly dog treat (unopened grr) So I am not sure what is happening.

Write soon luv chip xx

Pooch Prison

Dear chip,

I've been allowed to write again today as I've been a good doggie. As promised here is a pic of me & prisoner baby(although I don't know what her crime is yet,she's a bit quiet)Well, after refusing to eat last night I had a spot of luck,mum & dad remembered that the nasty vet man said I was allowed out of the cell as long as there was always someone present & I didn't move,so I done my most saddest eyes ever & guess what?yeah you got it, they let me out & I was able to lay in front of the fire & sleep,I made sure I didint move as I didn't wanna get locked up again!But when it got dark they locked me up & all buggered off!!so I made jasper start barking at 2 am!!ha ha serves them right I thought!!he he!todays been ok didn't eat breakfast as I thought I mite get let out again,but mum & dad went to some clinic to have some wanna be babies put in mums tummy,but when they came back mum let me out & we layed in the lounge together. Barneys a bit sad,he's stayed away from me at the moment,think he's scared he mite get locked up to,& I just heard dad call jasper a little shit,heard he got away from dad & ran in the end garden then onto the main road!dad was not happy & mum kept going on about "balls being chopped off" wotever that means! I did eat my dinner tonite as I've realised that you get rewards for good behaviour,so I'm expecting another lounge infront of the fire. barney has just heard that mum mite take him down the river tuesday or wednesday depending how she feels,she will let aunty know. How's your day been? Hope those little ones didn't stress u out to much,get any good leftovers?hope they haven't dressed you up in silly things again,its really not a good look for you to be sporting chip at your age!!any way better go now as I can hear the fire crackling

Scratches & sniffs Prisoner 4321 fern xx

Dear Prisoner 4321

Not much to report except that I only got a short walk today. My humans both went out. One took another human to a place called Haverhill and they even had dinner out, the long haired human went out with a small medium and larger human. They went to Sainsburys to change a jumper into a jumper!!If you savage baby and her wing falls off will she only be able to fly in circles. Remember that it was the goose that laid the golden egg so you had better be kind to baby and savage her when humans are not looking.Have you thought about joining a choir with your other two mates. A trio of singing might be really good and the noise would increase threefold.How is your mum - is she doing something called 'laying on the sofa' a funny sort of game which sometimes means humans make a funny grunting noise I think they call it snoring - my humans do it.Seeing grandmas are good they poke sweets at you through the bars.Treats have been hidden somewhere now - and I can't find them - bugger.My human is going to try and pop to see you bearing gifts - so keep your tail up

Smell you soon - chip x

Pooch prison

Mon 18-4-10

Dear chip

How r u? As u can see baby has been a bit annoying today,so this is the only way I can keep her quiet!Not much to report today,am very very bored!I get left at home AGAIN while the other 2 went for a walk,I hope there feeling guilty for leaving me behind!Dad went to work & mum decided to have a lie in,whatever that is,so I decided to start "singing" very loudly & thought I'm not going to stop till mum gets up,after about half an hour the "singing"worked but she didn't let me out!shame on her!then she buggered off to let some man stick needles in her body,don't know what that's all about,why would you stick needle in yourself? My nan visited me this afternoon,so I was allowed out for a cuddle,yippee! Have got the sad eye look down to a T now,it works so well when wanting a cuddle!Have u managed to get into them treats yet? Keep trying.Oh well my paws getting saw from all this typing,hope to hear from u soon(baby might loose a wing soon!)

Tummy rub & ear scratch Prisoner 4321 fern xx

The Great Escape!!

Dear chip

Great news I managed to escape today,was the most fun I've had since I've been locked up(apart from savaging baby),you shud of seen me,got the wind in my ears!!I was free!! Well,for about 5 minutes. Let me tell you what happened,nan took jasper up the field & mum had just finished giving me another cuddle(she gets in the cell!) & she was trying to get barney out for a wee so she only put the top bar across,so I waited till I knew they were gone & just kept pawing away & hey what do ya know!bingo it popped open!(God really did listen to my prayers last nite)so I checked the coast was clear & made a run for it,I was in luck cos the back door & the gate were open,so with the wind rushing through my ears I ran into the field where I could see mum & barns,but my escape was short lived,mum shouted a bit & was really worried about my leg,but hey I can't feel pain!so with a heavy heart I got locked up again & I've only been allowed out to go to that nasty place where the people done this to me,something about them checking this pink monstrosity on my leg,the vet man tried bribing me with a treat,but you never know what they lace them with,no way am I eating anything from there!& when we came home before mum could put the sling under my tummy to help me out I thought I'd have another bid for freedom & just done a mad leap outa the car & my leg clanked to the ground,mum really panicked again which then led to another mad cuddling session,but I think I'm alrite now.mum has been doing something called "taking it easy" & I think she's ok cos she's still smiling. Jasper rolled on a dead rabbit head up the field so he's been taken off to the shower block by dad,much to his disgust,he was really making a noise about it,that'll teach the young pup!ah well better go as the tablets are kicking in,still haven't worked out quite how there getting into me,they must be tricking me somehow!

A Droopy eyedPrisioner 4321 fern xx