Friday, 11 June 2010

Place cupcake in the oven & bake at womb temperature for 40 weeks!


5 week Tummy

So here I am on the eve of my twelfth week & Ive gotta say I'm starting to get excited! I'm not ashamed to say that Ive found it hard these last seven weeks, Ive gone through every emotion possible I think, but know I just wanna shout "I MADE IT YIPPEE!!!!" & I'm so glad I did!

So after I got my BFP I worried constantly about the 1st scan, would every thing be OK? would I get there & find I was having a phantom pregnancy, that my body had played a cruel trick on me? I worried about every eventuality possible. On the morning of the scan I sat in my bedroom & cried, I was having a little chat with my uncle Brian ,my nan & grandads( who have all sadly passed away) & I just couldn't stop crying, I was praying that everything would be OK with my cupcake(s)-didn't know how many had implanted at this point-& I just couldn't pull myself together. Its normally an hours drive to my clinic so we left in plenty on time, only to arrive 40 minutes early! these were the longest 40 minutes of my life! there was quite a few other ladies there all for the same reason as Thursday is scan day, & while they all sat there beaming away I was silently sobbing in the corner. the lovely receptionist tried to get me in earlier, but she couldn't, so all I could do is sit & sob. When the nurse finally called my name (I think the other ladies were glad to see the back of me at this point) she asked if I was OK & that was it! I was blubbing all over the place saying I'm so worried theres going to be something wrong, bless her she was so lovely she just said I'm sure everything will be fine not lets get you ready & we'll find out & put you out of your misery.

Nothing in the world can describe the overwhelming joy I felt when I saw my one little cupcake flickering away on the screen, (I did have 2 embryos put in) this time I cried tears of joy & so did Mr K. I felt so relieved,happy,proud & thank full that I had finally been granted my chance.

We both came away on cloud nine, I didn't go back to work as I was so excited that I wanted to tell my family as I had managed to keep it a secret from them this time & to say they were over the moon is an understatement! My cousins cried, we were all sat round the table chatting away & Mandy said " so why aren't you at work then jack?" & I was all coy saying "oh I had to go to the doctors this morning.........cos I'm pregnant",then that was it, lots of tears & "oh my god your joking!!"

Next was my Dad & step mum, my dad is a man of very few emotions, he tends to hide it all away, so to see him shed tears when I told him meant so much to me!

Anyway lets fast forward over the next few weeks. I thought I would stop worrying after the scan, but oh no it continued! In fact it wasn't till I was reading a blog by Kate(bustedplumbing) who said she has something taped to her computer saying(can't remember all the words) stop worrying about all the things that could go wrong & start enjoying all the good things that are happening( something like that) that I began to think Ive really gotta stop all this worrying,

I will probably never experience pregnancy again so Ive really gotta start to think more positive about it, which was easier said then done when at 9-10 weeks I felt like all my little symptoms that I did have disappeared! It was like overnight I had gone from being pregnant to not! It was not an easy time,but thanks to the lovely ladies of twitter they put my mind at rest.

I have been lucky or unlucky however you wanna look at it, to have not really had any symptoms, all I have had is the occasional feeling sick & retching ,1 nose bleed, backache & headaches ( at the times when I didn't feel pregnant I actually prayed for some sickness, I know this will not make sense to the ladies that have suffered badly with it, but I felt like I needed a bit of reassurance that my cupcake was still doing well).

My tummy has grown so quick I cant believe it! I asked the midwife I was big for 10 weeks & she said if it hadn't been confirmed that I was having one baby she would of said it could possibly be twins,unless one was hiding she said at the scan! or that my uterus had just popped out quicker than normal & the baby will grown into it know & I may not grow anymore for a while, but from weeks 8-11 its grown 2.5 inches,in one week alone it grew 1.5 inches! so I cant wait to see how much its grown tomorrow when I do my weekly photo & measuring!

So on the eve of my twelfth week I have a lovely little tummy which is developing a little downy fur over it & a gorgeous pregnancy cleavage in the making ( no gel bras required now!).

I have my next scan on the 1st July when I'll be 13 weeks 2 days & I have been told that I should get a really good picture, fingers crossed!

I'm so proud that I made it to the first hurdle, here's to the next one!!!!

Keep baking

Love Mrs K xxx

Wednesday, 2 June 2010

Baking in Progress!!

Sorry its taken so long for me to update my blog, I will try not to ramble on to much, but apologies if I do!
So on Tuesday 27th April I found out that my IVF treatment had work, I WAS PREGNANT!!! To say I was shocked (well both of us really) was an understatement! Compared to my last IVF cycle (which was horrendous!), this one was a breeze! But I was convinced it hadn't worked as 4 days after my transfer I had really bad pains in my tummy,not like period pains,they were very strange,but they started at midday & went right the way through till 10pm that night, then nothing, deep down I had prepared myself for the worst. The day before my test was the worst as last time I started bleeding the day before my test, so I was constantly in the loo "checking", Dave was ill due to worrying as well & by the end of the day when my AF hadn't reared its ugly head I began to have a very small amount of hope that I mite be pregnant.

I didn't sleep at all well that night, I knew I had to hold my wee wees for a minimum of 6 hrs!(forgot to say that on the Saturday night I had started peeing mega amounts during the night) so knew this was going to be hell! Told myself I had to wake up at 1am for my last "wee stop" of the night,then no more, easier said than done, 4am I was busting to go again & had to hold it, not a good move! Any way to pass the time I pictured myself phoning my mum in the morning to tell her it hadn't worked again, I tried to picture this over & over again to try & prepare myself, but for some reason the picture that kept reappearing was one of me telling her I was pregnant.

At 6am I couldn't hold it anymore, told Dave to quickly let the dogs out for a wee & I would wait for him before I did the test, last time I peed on the stick & Dave watched for the result, this time I wanted to witness the change for myself.So when he came back I rushed into the bathroom to do it, & he said oh my god I need the loo! thankfully we have another loo upstairs, & as I was mid pee there was no way I was stopping, not after I'd been holding it for 5 hours!

So I peed & waited on my own. Last time I had a digital pregnancy test that either said "pregnant" or "not pregnant", I hate these tests as its almost like its taunting you if your not pregnant, so I couldn't bear to use one of these tests ever again! This time I had the good old 2 lines for positive, 1 line for negative ( no taunting involved!)Watching that stick change was amazing, I knew as soon as the first line came up that it had worked, cos if its negative the line only comes up on the right hand side, & this line came up on the left side first, then the right, I just sat there in shock ( all this time Dave is still on the loo oblivious to it all). After a minute or two I just said in a very flat voice "Dave I've done it", he rushed out the bathroom going "well,what is it?"I handed him the stick & said"I cant believe it, I cant believe it,oh my god I cant believe it, its worked" I was shaking & he hugged me said "oh my god Jack, I bloody knew it had!", my reply "I've gotta lie down".I was in complete shock, but I knew I had to call my mum as she would be waiting for news, & I couldn't wait to tell her she was going to be a nanny! When I called she said she had been awake since 5am worrying as well, but when I told her she was going to be a nanny she started to cry, I don't think she could believe it either, then I had to phone daves mum & two sisters as I knew they would also be waiting for news, & they all cried as well! Ive got to say I think it was the most emotional day of my life! I phoned my clinic & left a message for them to call me back,& when my fav nurse called she was like, good news,bad news??? I screamed "bloody excellent news!!"she was so happy for me as she had seen me at my lowest last year after the failed attempt & she is brilliant at her job!

I wont waffle on for to much longer,spent the rest of the day in a daze really(& 6weeks later im still in a daze!)

Its strange though,cos no matter how hard I thought the IVF was,being pregnant is a million times harder, I have tried not to but I have worried constantly,worried about first scan,now worry about second scan & it goes on & on & on, but I'm trying my hardest not to worry(easier said than done) as I don't want to look back & say I worried the whole time, but I know that will never go away completely, so I'm trying to focus on all the good things,this precious, miracle life growing inside me ( which I still cant get used to!) & my wonderful husband & family who have been with me all the way!!

So now we've just gotta wait for the bun to bake!!

love Mrs K xx