Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Ferns Blog!!

This started as a joke between myself & jenny who I go doggie walking with-she has barneys litter brother,chip.

Picked up fern she is settling into Pooch Prison! no walkies till I don't know when xx

Dear Fern,
I am glad that you are home and with your mum. Thank your mum for the photo and I know that you are feeling uncomfortable, but I like your pink bandage. At least you have the prison door open so that you are not totally enclosed in your bedroom.My mum took me to the river but there were two men holding one large dog as big or bigger than that Rodney who lives with Spike and Layla - I did not like him and growled from behind my mums legs. Another dog a black and white spaniel would not go back to his daddy and was splashing around in the lagoon! I would not go down there cos of the water.Are you allowed out for a wee. Would you like flowers or bones. Have lots of lick and sniffs Love Chippy xx

Dear chip,
thank you for ur message,I'm glad to be home but I'm really not happy about this crate,I have to stay in all the time,I'm only allowed out 3 times a day for a kwick wee,which is difficult with this big alien on my leg!so I've decided to go on hunger strike!I've got to stay locked up at hotel pooch for 24hrs till the 1st of june,can u believe that,I think I'll go crazy,shame u can't visit,but aunty can whenever she likes,just remeber be brave when facing those hounds!!
Prisoner 4321 fern xx xxx

Dear Fern,
Wot rotten luck only three times a day. And a pot on your leg too. If you are on hunger strike I shall send my mummy down to see you. My big ones have invited a hoard of little ones to dinner on Sunday so I think roast beef is on the cards. Are you allowed a little roast beef whilst on Prisoner Cell Block H. What else do you think you could manage to taste - I might be able to bring chicken too. Your Mum is trying to think of all things she could tempt you with. I will tell her that best fillet steak lightly grilled would really be ideal - but not any dog food whilst you are ill - should I send chocolates.I shall take lots of photos whilst I am away of all the places I have wee'd on to show you
Luv Chippy xx
Uncle Alec sends love.

Dear chip
Mum just gave me jaspers kong which had puppy food & chicken in it so I forced that down,all these drugs are making me rather sleepy,rotten luck on having lots of little visitors tomorow,but more chance they'll slip u some beef,or drop lots of food on the floor! I also have a new room mate,its pink & soft & looks like some sort of goose & makes a strange noise,I think its name is baby!oh well mite snuggle up to it later,my eyelids are drooping now so I better go,will send u a pic of new roommate when she's settled in. & wood love to see pics,will make me think I've been outside!
Woofs & licksPrisoner 4321 fern & baby

Lunatics Asylum:
Dear Prisoner 4321
Well the small things have gone home and I am very tired. I did have some nice things to eat because someone dropped their chocolate cake towards the floor and I caught it before it fell on the ground. I also managed to snatch some roast beef whilst Mum was clearing the plates into the dishwasher. An opened packet of chocolate covered raisins were left on the coffee table but someone saw me before I could sample them.I have not got your picture of baby! I did not know you had to share a cell I thought you were in a private wing!Its good to know that you were let out on remand for a while so keep up the good work and lie doggo when no one is watching.Next time at 2.00am try for Barney to bark he is louder than Jasper. I woke up at nearly 6.00am and played music on the radiator but my mum shoved me outa the back door and when I came back in she buggered off to bed again!No balls sound sad - fancy having no balls to play with.My mum is at art Tuesday and Wednesday this week! She says to tell you mum to lay down and rest or else she will have to do the 'mother bit' whatever that means.Large bags have appeared in the bedroom but there is a box of smelly dog treat (unopened grr) So I am not sure what is happening.
Write soon luv chip xx

Pooch Prison
Dear chip,
I've been allowed to write again today as I've been a good doggie. As promised here is a pic of me & prisoner baby(although I don't know what her crime is yet,she's a bit quiet)Well, after refusing to eat last night I had a spot of luck,mum & dad remembered that the nasty vet man said I was allowed out of the cell as long as there was always someone present & I didn't move,so I done my most saddest eyes ever & guess what?yeah you got it, they let me out & I was able to lay in front of the fire & sleep,I made sure I didint move as I didn't wanna get locked up again!But when it got dark they locked me up & all buggered off!!so I made jasper start barking at 2 am!!ha ha serves them right I thought!!he he!todays been ok didn't eat breakfast as I thought I mite get let out again,but mum & dad went to some clinic to have some wanna be babies put in mums tummy,but when they came back mum let me out & we layed in the lounge together. Barneys a bit sad,he's stayed away from me at the moment,think he's scared he mite get locked up to,& I just heard dad call jasper a little shit,heard he got away from dad & ran in the end garden then onto the main road!dad was not happy & mum kept going on about "balls being chopped off" wotever that means! I did eat my dinner tonite as I've realised that you get rewards for good behaviour,so I'm expecting another lounge infront of the fire. barney has just heard that mum mite take him down the river tuesday or wednesday depending how she feels,she will let aunty know. How's your day been? Hope those little ones didn't stress u out to much,get any good leftovers?hope they haven't dressed you up in silly things again,its really not a good look for you to be sporting chip at your age!!any way better go now as I can hear the fire crackling
Scratches & sniffs Prisoner 4321 fern xx

Dear Prisoner 4321
Not much to report except that I only got a short walk today. My humans both went out. One took another human to a place called Haverhill and they even had dinner out, the long haired human went out with a small medium and larger human. They went to Sainsburys to change a jumper into a jumper!!If you savage baby and her wing falls off will she only be able to fly in circles. Remember that it was the goose that laid the golden egg so you had better be kind to baby and savage her when humans are not looking.Have you thought about joining a choir with your other two mates. A trio of singing might be really good and the noise would increase threefold.How is your mum - is she doing something called 'laying on the sofa' a funny sort of game which sometimes means humans make a funny grunting noise I think they call it snoring - my humans do it.Seeing grandmas are good they poke sweets at you through the bars.Treats have been hidden somewhere now - and I can't find them - bugger.My human is going to try and pop to see you bearing gifts - so keep your tail up
Smell you soon - chip x

Pooch prison
Mon 18-4-10
Dear chip
How r u? As u can see baby has been a bit annoying today,so this is the only way I can keep her quiet!Not much to report today,am very very bored!I get left at home AGAIN while the other 2 went for a walk,I hope there feeling guilty for leaving me behind!Dad went to work & mum decided to have a lie in,whatever that is,so I decided to start "singing" very loudly & thought I'm not going to stop till mum gets up,after about half an hour the "singing"worked but she didn't let me out!shame on her!then she buggered off to let some man stick needles in her body,don't know what that's all about,why would you stick needle in yourself? My nan visited me this afternoon,so I was allowed out for a cuddle,yippee! Have got the sad eye look down to a T now,it works so well when wanting a cuddle!Have u managed to get into them treats yet? Keep trying.Oh well my paws getting saw from all this typing,hope to hear from u soon(baby might loose a wing soon!)
Tummy rub & ear scratch Prisoner 4321 fern xx

The Great Escape!!
Dear chip
Great news I managed to escape today,was the most fun I've had since I've been locked up(apart from savaging baby),you shud of seen me,got the wind in my ears!!I was free!! Well,for about 5 minutes. Let me tell you what happened,nan took jasper up the field & mum had just finished giving me another cuddle(she gets in the cell!) & she was trying to get barney out for a wee so she only put the top bar across,so I waited till I knew they were gone & just kept pawing away & hey what do ya know!bingo it popped open!(God really did listen to my prayers last nite)so I checked the coast was clear & made a run for it,I was in luck cos the back door & the gate were open,so with the wind rushing through my ears I ran into the field where I could see mum & barns,but my escape was short lived,mum shouted a bit & was really worried about my leg,but hey I can't feel pain!so with a heavy heart I got locked up again & I've only been allowed out to go to that nasty place where the people done this to me,something about them checking this pink monstrosity on my leg,the vet man tried bribing me with a treat,but you never know what they lace them with,no way am I eating anything from there!& when we came home before mum could put the sling under my tummy to help me out I thought I'd have another bid for freedom & just done a mad leap outa the car & my leg clanked to the ground,mum really panicked again which then led to another mad cuddling session,but I think I'm alrite now.mum has been doing something called "taking it easy" & I think she's ok cos she's still smiling. Jasper rolled on a dead rabbit head up the field so he's been taken off to the shower block by dad,much to his disgust,he was really making a noise about it,that'll teach the young pup!ah well better go as the tablets are kicking in,still haven't worked out quite how there getting into me,they must be tricking me somehow!
A Droopy eyedPrisioner 4321 fern xx

Sunday, 18 April 2010

Two delicious cupcakes in the oven!

So today is the day the baking begins!

As most of you know this morning was the day of my transfer. I had quite a good nites sleep until I woke up at 2.11am & thought it was morning & time to get up! Managed to get back to sleep & woke again at pessary o'clock(I wake between 5.30& 6 every morning & its so annoying!)so with that done I decided I wasn't getting up till 7.

Was very calm,although Mr K & I didn't really say much to each other,we both know when the other is feeling uneasy or worried,& there weren't any words to describe how we were feeling.

I had another mad rush round with my hoover(that's for you Kris!)done some more washing then went to get ready, & that's when I had my meltdown, I just burst into tears & couldn't stop crying. All I kept thinking was "I can't do this,I can't.I don't wanna go,I'm not ready", so with me crying & Mr K sitting on the loo as his nerves got the better of him, we we're a sorry pair! But I thought "come on Jack,you've come this far you can do this" & I thought "yeah I can".

Yes I'm petrified of the "POAS day" but I'm going to keep taking each day as it comes & nothing else.

So, after we'd both pulled ourselves together we set off. Me wearing my lovely orange pants!(if I could of dressed all in orange I would of done!!)

I was glad when we got to the clinic that all my favourites we're going to be looking after me, lovely nurse pearly queen, Dr Chuckles & the nice embryologist,Nicola.

You all know what the procedure is like so I won't go into any detail, oh forgot to say that I had 2 really nice blasto's & 2 not so good,so got the option off the 2 nice one's & 1 of the not so good, but opted for just the 2 good one's. Nicola said if the remaining 2 divide well over night they will freeze them for us.

Saw the two cupcakes on the screen, one had collapsed, but Nicola said this was normal, then into the oven they went(Mr K was happy as his favourite song,sitting on the dock of the bay was playing), & nurse pearly queen said "there we go straight into mum", I could of cried at that,she called me mum! & for the next 10 days I will be!!

They all wished me the best of luck,told me take it easy & don't break out into a sweat,not much chance of that happening I can tell you!

But I'm not very good at doing nothing,so I'm going to force myself to go & chill out on the sofa after I've read the paper in the garden & watched poor Mr K moving loads of blocks around!

I've also been told not to wear to tight a clothing round my waist so picture this, I have my jeggins pulled right up under my boobs & resemble a Mrs Cowell,lol.

And Mr K is going to take me out for lunch later, so I bid you all farewell for today & will update you on the baking,

Love a happy chef, Mrs K xx

Friday, 16 April 2010

Big Friday Hugs

So many of my dear Twitter are feeling down at the moment & I want to send them all a hug, so Fifi - ivfdiary,IvyEf & Sarah - Born2bmummy this is for you & anyone else, jill - jillyjohn,infertilemummy - elaine,who is the need of hugs right now. Take the hug & pass it on.

Big hugs girls,

love Mrs K xxx

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

The mixture is prepared!

I am home!!!!!Hoooooraaaayyy!!!!I'm very happy, had 8 eggs collected, which I'm so happy about, as at the beginning of the week I only had four follicles & I was slightly worried.

This will be a quick blog as I feel a bit groggy still & away with the fairies. Plus hubby has OD'd me on biscuits!

Slept really well last night, which was surprising & we had an early start to get to the clinic on time. Had the same lovely nurse which looked after me last time, I'll call her nurse pearly queen as she was like a lovely old londoner nanny! Told her all about how ill I was last time, & she assured me it would all go smoothly today,different anaesthetist & Doctor. My blood pressure was low, which it normally is, but it was lower than last time & she told me to get it checked out again.

Had the lovely Dr chuckles do my egg collection, which I was really pleased about as he is SO happy all the time & just puts you at ease.

So Mr K went off to do his thing, & I said alot of prayers!

I was still very calm at this point,until they took me through & when they put the needle in for the sedation, I just started crying & couldn't stop! Pearly queen nurse wiped up my tears & they said everything would be OK , then I think they just got the drugs in as quick as poss!! Next thing I knew I was back in the recovery room.

And I've got to say I feel so different to last time. Hardly any pain or blood, last time I lost alot of blood & couldn't wee for hours, now I know what its meant to feel like! Mr K said that I looked a 100 times better than last time & reminded me how we had to stop on the M25 last time on the way home as I nearly passed out & threw up!

So yes, at the moment Im feeling good, the embryologist said that if all goes well with 8 eggs they will try & push for blasto & day 5 trans, but we'll see on Friday.

Thank you to everyone for all there well wishes, I'm sorry if I haven't replied to you all, but it means alot to know that your all wishing me well.

So all we have to do now is wait for the mixture to rise,then we'll be popping them in the oven!

Love an exhausted cook, Mrs K x

Monday, 12 April 2010

Prepare the bun tins!

The oven is warmed up, now all we have to do is prepare the mixture!
Last night was my very last injection for this cycle of IVF(I'm secretly hoping that it will be my last injection ever to do with this madness that is IVF!).
Had my orders for the nurse to inject my ovitrelle at 9.15pm, & as you all know theres no hesitating with the jab, you literally have to take the top off & jab straight away or you lose the precious meds as they start leaking out. So I had to physc myself up for this, took a while, but after a short hesitation I done it! Has anyone else noticed that this needle seems to be a hell of alot thicker than all the others??Bled for quite a while after, but I thought hey this is the last one & I've coped so much better this time round with the jabs, so I was proud of myself that I'd got through the first stage.
But what I had forget about was the pain you feel about 6 hrs later! It woke me up about 3.30am & I was in agony, I couldn't get back to sleep & I had to get up about 30 times(slight exaggeration there,but it felt like alot!) to keep peeing!
At 6.10am I'd had enough & got up,only to find that standing upright wasn't going to be happening for a while! My hat goes off to all the ladies that have lots of follicles & suffer like this for weeks, I think I would have to take to my bed if I'd suffered like this on a daily basis !
But after forcing myself to walk around, & a nice cup of redbush tea, I started to feel alot better.
I've got my orders to be at the clinic for 8.45am tomorrow morning, which means we'll have to set off about 7.15, but I know I won't sleep tonight. I'm worried that I'm going to be ill like I was last time, & because I know what to expect I'm very anxious about the whole process.
For me this is the start of the next stage which I don't like very much ,this is when it suddenly hits you that its real & its happening!When your injecting you can almost push all the thoughts to the back of your mind & kid yourself its not happening, but once them babies are out that's when it hits me like a ton of bricks & I might lose it completely!All the calmness might come crashing down & I'll be a quivering wreck(I'm hoping that this doesn't happen).
But I have alot to take my mind off it all, as this week is a bit of a mad week, I'm going in tomorrow, my mum is going into hospital Thursday & we just heard that we've got to take Fern to the specialist Thursday & he is going to operate on her leg!So I'm not going to worry about me to much & focus my worrying on my mum & Fern! I think Fern is one of the reasons that I've been so calm this time round, I've been so worried about her, I've forgotten about me.

I've been told that I will go back for my transfer either Thursday,Friday or Sunday. I think it will be Friday as I don't think I'm going to have enough quality embryos to go for blastocyst, but I'm OK with that, lots of ladies have had a day 3 transfer & its been successful.

So all I'm going to do is take each day as it comes, listen to the Zita West CD to keep calm & take it easy,I don't think you can do more than that, oh yeah almost forgot,& to wear lucky orange knickers every day from tomorrow!!!(& pray for a miracle to happen!)

I plan to take a few days off & then I will go back to work, as I drove myself crazy last time as I stayed at home the whole time & my mind ran away with me every day!

So I have the bun tins ready,waiting for the special mixture!

If anyone else is baking,good luck & I wish you lots of baby dust in your buns!

Love Mrs K x

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Bun baking is a slow process & can't be rushed!

Today I found out my "bun baking" is not rising very quickly & is on "a bit of a go slow" as quoted by a new Dr that I saw today.I'm going to follow with tradition & give him a name like all my fellow infertile bloggers,so I'm going to call him Dr Polite(I thought about Dr nice,but there all nice at my clinic).I thought it was strange when he said I was on "a go slow" as on my last IVF I "matured" really quickly,in 11 days as opposed to the normal 14, but I didn't really read to much into it, then he started to look at my follicles & only found between 4-5,was a gutted at this as last time I had about 18 follicles & 11 eggs collected, so I thought it would be the same, but Dr Polite told me that no IVF cycle was the same & as long as I've got more than 1 follie I'm still in the game! Dr Polite also found quite a few cysts but said this was nothing to worry about. So they've upped my Gonal-F dosage to 375 & I've gotta go back Friday for another scan.

Now, I thought theres two ways I can handle this....either go to pieces & worry myself silly over the next few days,or just get on with things, so I opted for the second descion, Theres no point in worrying myself stupid on something that I have absolutely no control over,in fact we don't have control over any of the IVF cycle(apart from how much drugs we have to take) the only thing we are certain of is that at the end its either going to be a positive or a negative.

So I'm determined not to worry,although actually doing this may prove hard,but I'm going to give it a go. I spent my last IVF cycle worrying myself sick over the slightest little thing & when It didn't work I was crushed & devastated, but my strength & courage WILL get me through this time! I'm alot stronger this time & my outlook & attitude is different.

I listened alot to a song after the last ivf & theres a certain line that summed up how I felt,it goes like this:

I feel just like I'm sinking & I claw for solid ground, pulled down by the undertones, never thought I could feel so low, in all darkness I feel like letting go. If all of the strength & all of the courage comes & lifts me from this place,I no I can love you much better than this, full of grace.

I no it seems depressing, but It really helped me come to terms with my feelings, and that is why I no I can do this, because I have strength & courage, & whatever the outcome I will survive & do it again if I have to. Strength & courage ladies, strength & courage & we will all achieve are dreams.

Praying for a good rise,

Mrs K xx